It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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