I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My bed smells like the plague
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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