totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
