When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
