and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
