It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
