No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
