The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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