Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
