worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was confusing and full of hummus
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
