When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
