i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The feeling are messing with the penis
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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