Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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