May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
