When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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