Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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