how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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