i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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