Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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