Michael Bay diarrhea
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
