Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
