So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We’re leaving where are you
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