She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
