now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
