I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
