I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
