its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
