recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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