update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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