Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Randomize
