Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
