This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
