YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
