You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We had sex on a dog bed..
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
