Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
