i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I'm really busy with my period
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