Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
