I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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