I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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