I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
