He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
