How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
