so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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