I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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