i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
