About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
