so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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