Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
