you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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