god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
