They should really pass out barf bags in church
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
