it wasn't lemon gatorade
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
